The World UpsideDown Through A Dead Sheep's Eye
by nuffyrox
Summary: A story i created with new characters, funny lines, but set in the world of the great novels. it follows the story of Adam, who is a human, picked up by Neitch to find the Most Important Person of Everywhere. lol. makes me laugh!
1. Chapter 1

The World Upside-Down Through a Dead Sheep's Eye

Chapter 1

Being told that the 'Most Important Person in all of the world' (and everywhere else for that matter) is looking for you, can come as quite a shock to many a people. In fact, it was only last century that a man actually died on the spot after being told that the Most Important Person in all of the world, and Everywhere else was looking for him. It has still not been confirmed whether he died from that knowledge, or the hideous experience of being swallowed whole by an Uber-furb, a rather large, cute (if you ignored the meter long teeth its mouth sported), carnivorous animal that lives upon the dark, almost unplotted region of zion 6. It is common knowledge however that it takes a very long time to determine if someone has, in fact died, largely due to the introduction of time machines. It is also due to simply the lack of interest shown by many people whose job it is to actually watch the use of time machines.

To conclude, after being told The Most Important Person of Everywhere, (or MIPE) is looking for you, most people go into a state of shock, or excitement, or even fear in anticipation of meeting this great MIPE.

"Sorry?" Adam frowned at the strange, tall, big eared man in front of him

"The Most Important Person in all of the world, and Everywhere else is looking for you and-"

"I'm sorry, do you mean the president?" Adam interrupted

"No. I mean The Most Important Person in all of the world, and Everywhere else."

"And that would be…?"

"The Most Important Person in all of the world, and Everywhere else of course." The man snapped, clearly tiring of this annoying, stupid human.

"Uhuh. Does he have any other name by any chance?" Adam queried, clearly confused by this man who had been standing, leering in front of him for the past 20 minutes, preventing him from leaving his front gate.

"For short, The Most Important Person of Everywhere, otherwise no. Look, he wants to see you, so call him as soon as possible alright?"

"No."

"What do you mean no?" The man almost yelled

"I mean no!" Adam began, rather flustered "as in no, I will not call this person, partly because I have no idea who he is, and…and…partly because I don't have his phone number!"

The man gave him a queer look, before emitting a long aspirated sigh. Adam had no idea why this man seemed so angry at him for asking what he thought that really, were quite sensible questions. By the time he had looked up again to ask the man why he was so agitated, the man had gone.

The universe is big and full of mostly nothing, right? Well, mainly, but some of the nothing, the part that isn't full off planets, spaceships, random atoms, stars, comets, asteroids or sheep, that part, can be used to travel through by certain individuals. Only those with a pass (and a spare two dollars on them) are permitted to use the channels, and only then in an emergency. Fortunately, being harassed by an incredibly stupid earthman whilst in pursuit of vital job duties (such as passing on a message) is listed as an emergency in the intergalactic 'Proper Use of the Universe' guide. It was this law that the man who had, a moment before been standing before the earthman took advantage of and promptly disappeared.


	2. Chapter 2 Independant of me

Disclaimer: Hey, it seems this is the thing to do, so yeah….duh I don't own hitchhikers, though this story is made up! But yeah. too close to hitchhikers for me to (with a conscious) say its mine. 

Chapter 2

"The fool, said, yes he said, 'I don't have his phone number!' Like I was supposed to have it! Honestly! These jobs you keep sending me on, they're ridiculous, useless, boring, stupid…"

Lord Rikart rolled his eyes, irritated. Neitch, one of his many workers stood before him complaining, again. Rikart had himself lost interest within the first twenty seconds in which he established from Neitch that the earthman did not understand the message and had refused to see the MIPE. He was far too important and evil to be dealing with this person he thought angrily. He knew the only reason he had to talk to them was because his company didn't have as high-quality union rules as some other companies. He envied Groggo, a sock farming overseeing company whose union rules entailed that all workers have no rights, no opportunities to make rights and could be shot at any time at the discretion of the employer. That is how a company should be run he fumed. After much consultation between his four heads, Rikart decided that he would have to send Neitch back to the earthman to aid him in the completion of his task. The task being, to find The Most Important Person of Everywhere.

"…it looked at me like I was worthless! Honestly, the day we gave the Sun rights was the day the universe died, it was glaring at me, in its arrogant way, it was bloody supporting the clouds-they'd been jeering me the whole time I swear-"

"NEITCH!" Rikart thundered "SHUT UP!"

Neitch, who had been in the middle of a sentence froze, his mouth half open.

"Now Neitch, listen VERY carefully. I want you to go back to the earthman. I want you to help him find the MIPE. Until you have done that don't bother coming back here because I'm not going to pay you! Understand?"

Neitch squirmed, "that's the uh, only option sir?"

"YES!"

Back on earth, Adam was in the strangest dilemma. His body was fighting to control itself, independently of his mind, as that seemed to have gone off on a holiday without first consulting his body. Adam was in fact simply standing just inside his gate, in front of his yellow house, with a look of a man who had just been knocked over the head with a shovel, but obviously without the blood or general messiness. Five minutes later, his mind returned to his body and they had a row. Ten minutes later they both agreed it would be best if they each drank a bottle of whisky to help sort through the previous events. A further hour and another bottle of whisky later (to help sort through what the previous bottle couldn't get through), they unanimously agreed that the white house was in fact being controlled by leprechauns and that it was their job, as noble citizens to launch a naked protest in Adam's front yard. Naked protests have often been the result of many whisky induced states of non-patriotism, reported to have taken place in as uncivilized countries as Greenland. Greenland has presently escaped a rut in which naked protests became the most popular of all protest methods. The result now being that Greenland has an extremely dilapidated population, existing of all those who have an IQ slightly better than rocks, and also those who love the Greenland government. Adam was presently discovering why even lunching a naked protest in Winter in California was a bad idea. Not only did he have a shocking hangover, but he was also extremely small.

"Alright we're leaving."

Adam screamed.

"Ow! What did you do that for?"

Adam continued to scream.

"Look, really, could you please stop with the screaming; my head already feels as if…" The man who had suddenly appeared, out of thin air, paused and stared at Adams' bathroom mirror. The image staring back at him didn't quite fit with what, by most accounts be expected to be seen. He only had half a head. "Hold on" the man said, and promptly disappeared again.

Adam, now in a total state of shock ceased screaming, (about time his mind grumbled, who was still trying to deal with the shocking hangover and trying to work out where it could find come more whisky to see if that could possibly help with the eradication of the hangover.)

"Right we can go now." The man had returned, this time, with a more or less, normal, whole, big eared head.

Adam began screaming again.

Greenland is full of ice. And snow. If you are naked, you will freeze to death. This note is an additional for only those who do not have IQ's higher than rocks. In which case, I am surprised that you can read.

To all ppl who read this, cheers! Hope you like it, if so, review, it makes me smile!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hi to anyone who is reading this and yay! Hope you look at the world the same way I do…hie hie.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hitchhikers or the late Douglas Adam's and if you mistokenly (from Little Britain for you uncultured swine) think that I do. (sigh.) GO AWAY. That's all from me!

Chapter 3

One hour later Adam was standing aboard what he could only presume was a spaceship. He had been whisked away by the strange man, who had later introduced himself as Neitch, a worker for the Bulbas company that delivered messages to 'Wherever, Whoever and Whenever' in the universe. After this rather brief introduction Neitch explained that there was a whole universe full of many other planets, most of which had discovered how to space travel and time travel. On a whole he said, Earth was rather behind.

"Yup, I grew up on a sock farm out in Hibiscas North on Yellup. It's a fairly big planet."

"Sorry, uh, did you say sock farming?" Adam said, confused. He had decided by now that he was having a very complex hallucination. He had also decided to run along with the hallucination and work out a way to get rid of it later, for example when the hallucination didn't have him standing on a rather large, pink spaceship.

"Apology accepted. Yes sock faming." Neitch saw Adam's look of incredibility and continued "we farm socks. Yellup is one of the few planets that can sustain large amounts of socks at once. It's unfortunate because they have terrible union rules there. Otherwise they could be quite rich. I escaped the planet because I was sold to another company. I'm apparently worth exactly $3.50"

Adam stared at Neitch who was looking rather pleased with himself. Obviously in this delusion, $3.50 was quite an accomplishment. "I'm sorry, but socks are made. Knitted and such…they don't…grow." Adam explained as delicately as he could.

"That's what you think" Neitch winked, "and apology accepted once again."

With that, Neitch proceeded to walk down the rounded pink corridor, which Adam was having trouble deciding if was real or not. After Neitch had disappeared out of sight Adam did a full 360 turn and took in everything around him. The walls were pink. The floor was a darker pink. The ceiling was the same colour as the walls and as it was also curved, caused the watcher to feel as if it didn't really exist on its own. On a whole, the effect was rather disquieting.

"Earthman! Come up to the bridge now!" A voice boomed through the ship through what Adam presumed were hallucinated speakers. He sighed, completely at loss of what to say or do. "Earthman! I have sent two robots to get you! Do not be alarmed!" The voice boomed over again. Adam froze, a fairly impressive feat, he thought, since he had not really been moving in the first place.

"Come master Earthman, we are to escort you to the bridge!" Chirped two voices from behind him

Adam screamed.

"Please Earthman, do not scream." The two pink, fluffy robots chirped.

Adam continued to scream, and ran.

On the bridge, Neitch was having a rather difficult time of it. He had only recently acquired (stolen) this spaceship and was still slightly iffy (had no roofdoggin idea) as to what each button did. A fish with three eyes watched Neitch lazily from the bowl it lived in, that sat on one of the many benches that lined the spaceships bridge. The room was circular, with three doors on the south circular wall, benches lining the east and west walls and floor to ceiling, (well, floor to a certain point high up in the wall/ceiling curved ship interior) were windows. The fish knew all about windows. He knew they were for looking out of, which was precisely what Neitch was currently attempting to use them for. Unfortunately having not knowing the spaceships controls he wasn't really sure where the button to uncover the windows was, as they were currently shielded by black opaque metal. The fish watched Neitch become more and more agitated, which is understandable due to the fact that while trying to find the window uncover button he accidentally initiated the ships manual flight drive. The fish, other than knowing what windows were for, also knew that attempting to fly a spaceship through the universe without being able to see was not advisable and promptly committed suicide.

Adam tore into bridge, still screaming, though he stopped (much to Neitch's relief) after witnessing a three eyed fish that had previously been lazily floating in a bowl on a bench, leap out of its bowl and flop itself to death.

"Earthman! Little help!" Neitch yelled from the control bench below the, ahem 'windows.'

In that second, Adam decided that if this hallucination was going to continue he might as well go along with it and try to enjoy himself.

"What?" He jumped up the stairs three at a time to reach Neitch.

"Short or long?"

"What?"

"Short or long?"

"Uh…short."

"Flying, can't see, die."

"And that means…?"

Neitch glared at the Earthman. "Well this is the long explanation now. Make up your mind!" Netich took a deep breath. "I accidentally activated the manual flight drive and now we are flying a spaceship I don't really know how to fly, through the universe, blind." He paused for dramatic effect, "Get it?"


	4. Golf

Chapter 4

It is common knowledge within the universe that robots are on a whole, useful. Unfortunately, some poor sod decided to make robots that were not only smarter than people, but be able to feel, almost the same as people. This meant that robots could feel happy, grateful, sad, angry or jibbed. Just over ten years ago the inevitable happened and a riot occurred in the Greystone Corporation where the robots rose up against their manufacturers. The planet the Greystone Corporation once stood, named Blueball on is now completely owned and run by robots. The robot beaches are especially popular, as they are the only with sand grains the size of small coconuts.

Adam was currently experiencing for himself why robots with feelings was a bitch of an idea.

"I don't want to go see him again!" Adam screamed in anguish

"But master Neitch wishes to see you in the bridge now." The robots chirped back

"But I don't want to see him!"

"But master-"

"Neitch wishes to see you in the bridge now, yeah yeah I get it!" Adam interrupted, rubbing his temples. He'd been arguing with these stupid robots for the past ten minutes. Neitch wanted him up in the bridge, but Adam didn't want to go up to the bridge. He rather thought had a small phobia of the hallucinated bridge. Last time he's gone up there Neitch had been attempting to fly the spaceship through the universe blind. Adam had decided bravely that he should leave Neitch alone to concentrate, as he was sure his constant screaming wasn't helping much.

"Master Adam, if you don't go to the bridge we will become severely distressed!"

_Robots, if you don't leave me alone I will become severely aggressive…_

"Master Adam? Please, we are only humble robots, we simply wish you to come to the bridge. (sob) Would you really deny us that?"

Adam felt his resolution begin to crumble. Stupid hallucinated guilt-tripping robots he fumed.

"Master-"

"ALRIGHT!"

Up on the bridge, things were going far better. Neitch had eventually found the button to rid the windows of their covers. He only fired off two missiles, released two bowls of petunia's out the side hatch, made three cups of espresso tea, re-wired one of the maintenance robots so it now believes its job is to make the floor dirty rather than clean, created a puppy, and teleported himself to the Bahamas and back before removing the window covers. Neitch was now, beginning a lazy game of golf in the bridge, using an empty fish bowl he found on one of the benches as the hole. The ships automatic flight drive had been enabled and was currently directing the ship to fly in lazy circles, just for the fun of it.

Adam cautiously entered the bridge just as a golf ball narrowly missed his head, whizzing off to smash a vase holing one the few remaining petunias.

Adam screamed.

Neitch winced. "Earthman! Up here!"

Adam, still recovering from almost being K.O'd by a golf ball stumbled wearingly up to where Neitch was standing poised to hit another ball.

Thwack.

Smash.

"What are you, uh doing exactly?" Adam queried

"Playing golf, what does it look like?"

"Well, like you're plying golf, but I uh-"

Thwack.

Smash.

"Enough small talk Earthman! We've got to get down to business. Now, as I said…how ever long ago it was, The Most Important Peron of Everywhere is looking for you and I have been forced to help you find him and talk to him…"

Adam stopped listening. He was not in the slightest interested in anything his delusion had to say, he was only interested on how to get rid of it saying anything at all. He was also quite sure delusions don't normally persist for such a long period of time but was fairly sure he could safely blame it on September. It was the first of September. He never like first days of month, and September had always seemed a bit iffy to him.

September in fact was an incredibly iffy month, not that Adam would know this, but September never used to exist in the universe. It only came into being one very hot day on Ulk, a rather disgusting planet when a very wealthy prince named September, sought out the leader of the universe and asked if he could buy a month so that he could be epitomized forever. The leader of the universe, who took the money in an underhand deal, said yes and promptly went off to spend the money on buying a luxurious house on the beaches on the planet Iris. The month of September consequently is rather ugly, complicated, confusing, jealous, wealth-orientated and on a whole, technically non-existent.

Adam, whilst the figment of his imagination Neitch, continued talking, was starting to worry. He had heard of single hallucinations lasting long periods of time, which usually ended up in the sufferer being institutionalized for the rest of their life. He started when the realization dawned on him that this particular delusion had been going strong for the past two days. Just before he really began to panic though, Neitch interrupted his rather faint-inducing thoughts. Thankfully really.

"So Earthman you see, we need to got to the planet Hoobulf, to see a friend of mine. Hopefully he'll be able to give us something to go on…"

Adam started again. He'd just realized that he had thanked a part of his delusion from stopping him from thinking about his delusion. That was rather confusing, and all together not good. Armed with that realisation, Adam promptly fainted.


End file.
